It’s now been over 5 years since my (very beautiful) wife and I had our first (very beautiful) child. We were very young at this time, only 25 years old and I just got my first real job in software, while still finishing my university degree. To this day I still don’t know how she convinced me to have a kid in this situation (I have some ideas, the “very beautiful” part certainly helped).
A lot of our older friends had children at a young age so we were encouraged from all sides that we could handle it. Turns out we could handle nothing but my (very beautiful) wife stepped up and filled up all the skill issues I brought to the table. My memories of taking care of the toddler are mostly loud. Not “loud” like in a good rave where you get lost in the music. More like the sounds your upstairs neighbour makes when trying to renovate their kitchen with only a jackhammer. I asked myself very often why we did this (with that I don’t mean the “taking care” but more the “starting it in the first place”).
Since I’m a human and we forget quite fast, within only 3 years we started another project, leading to child #2. I expected the full game again. Sleep deprivation, screaming contests, even less free time. Well, it happened exactly like that. But this time … it was good? I sat there with baby #2 in my arms and child #1 gripping around my legs and I started to realize that I enjoy having kids. Silently, suddenly, with no previous signals, these little beasts entered my heart.
A couple of days ago there was an election in some federal districts in Germany. Our right-wing party arrived at around 44%. One influencer from this region made quite a good video where he described the helplessness, that many of us feel. Below this video there is a pinned comment asking: “What still gives you hope?”
From the very bottom of my heart I know now the answer.
I know it every morning I wake up to the snoring of my oldest one.
I know it every evening when the youngest one is trying to convince me that she “really is not that tired” and telling the fifth story is the most obvious solution.
And whenever I forget it, I look at my very beautiful wife standing next to our very beautiful kids.
And then the world is beautiful again.